I was driving home from work; the scenic route so I could stop by Chick-fil-A before heading back. I had been thinking about their spicy chicken sandwich all day and just had to have it! It’s while I’m driving that I do most of my thinking. I don’t know what it is, the vibrations of the car, the music in the background; whatever the reason it gets the juices in my brain ebbing and flowing. Today they flooded towards the morose picture I saw of Trump’s super bowl party. Please insert your air quotes.

At first glance, you’d think he was at a wedding. I worked many weddings while in the employ of a catering company in Southern Maryland during my high school years, and the picture screamed wedding. Notably the chairs. Had it been one then it wouldn’t have been weird, it would have been pretty typical. But when I saw the caption that said Trumps Super Bowl Party I just dropped my head. Who has a super bowl party with a dress code? Everyone, including the children in the pictures I saw, was dressed in formal wear. I don’t care if the invitation came from the President, if I opened it and it said Super Bowl Party, suit and tie required, I would toss it away, take off my pants and watch the game alone in my underwear like a real man.

It got me thinking. Does Trump own a T-Shirt? On my drive home while taking just one more waffle fry out of the bag over and over, I started filtering through the jpeg file in my brain. I could not recall one image of him wearing one. I couldn’t remember him wearing jeans either, which is strange. How can anyone make America great again without a good pair of jeans? I remember during the Iowa state fair when he wore a jacket without a tie and a few pictures of him dressed in a polo shirt, but not a T-shirt. When I googled Trump and clicked images, every single one had him wearing a suit. I didn’t hit the “Show more results” because everyone knows if it’s not in that first group then it doesn’t matter. When I tried “Trump T-shirt” I got pictures of Tump merchandise. I tried “Trump in a T-shirt” and got nothing. “Trump wearing a T-shirt”…nothing. Well, nothing real, I did find a photoshopped one, and it was disturbing.

What’s the deal?

What does he wear around the White House or his hotels when he is relaxing. Does he always wear a suit? Even Barney from “How I Met Your Mother” was spotted a few times in a T-shirt. Trump seems to be taking “Suit up” to another level. But oddly enough he will wear a cheap looking ball cap.

If I thought the package had any chance of getting to him, I would send him one. Nothing fancy or embarrassing, just a neutral colored plain T-shirt from Walmart. So that he could try it out, who knows, he might loosen up a bit. Perhaps his serial suiting is the cause of his anger. As a kid, I always was in a better mood once I was able to take my church clothes off. All though looking back my change in attitude was probably more because I was no longer at church. What kid wants to spend five days in school and then go again on Sunday? “Street Sharks” was on! If he liked the T-shirt, we could slowly move him on to brighter colors and eventually ones with words. Not big words, but three or four letter words he could understand.

Trump already doesn’t drink, smoke, do drugs or do anything fun, except golf, which I find rather frustrating.  I would be angry too if I were him. Not build a wall angry or alienate religions angry by maybe lash out at celebrities on Twitter angry.

Before the Trump train pulls into the station in four years and we all can finally get off and kiss the ground, I would like to see him wear a T-shirt. Who knows he might even start to pass as human if he can change his orange complexion.

 

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